The Unseen Struggles of Mom Life

As a mom to two little girls I frequently get asked, "What do you do all day?" and "Don't you love staying home with your babies?" But, my favorite thing that I hear from people is "You have it so easy being home with you kids" lets process that for a minute....lets bask in it for a little bit. I must have it SO EASY being home with my kids. Yes Karen, I've got it so easy being home with two peeing, crying, pooping, whining, angry little midgets that both scream at me when their butts need to be wiped. I'm like a CNA in a nursing home that literally wipes butts for a living (by the way MAD kudos to you guys because we would have been lost without you when my grandma was in her last days with us...much respect).

Don't get me wrong I absolutely LOVE my kids...I mean I would die without their smiling faces and giggles every day. But there is absolutely nothing "easy" about staying home with my kids. Between the tantrums, the little one refusing to stop crying, all the housework, the constant cooking (breakfast, lunch, AND dinner), making time to go to the park or at least finding some way to mentally stimulate my oldest so she's prepared for kindergarten when the time comes, wondering if I'm doing enough to keep her brain stimulated, pumping milk for the baby and the staying up late just so I can attempt to collect my home and send it back into a tiny bit of normalcy. But see, all of these things are to be expected right? These are things that as a mother I'm EXPECTED to do and I'm suppose to do them without complaint because I'm the mom.

But what people don't see is, the play date I had to cancel because as two mom friends we were in a time window the baby threw up on herself and my oldest misplaced her shoes so even if we were to find them, by the time we did it would be pointless to drive all that way for 20 minutes of time together. Or the fact that it has been three months since I have seen my best friend. Literally momming is so hard and chaotic that she hasn't seen my girls in three months! There have been no play dates or coffee catch ups (and lord knows i could easily bribe her with coffee) in three months. I've literally had no visits from anyone since the baby has been born and I am completely without adult company from the time I get up (7am-ish) until 11pm when my husband gets home. So, 16 hours without even speaking a word to another adult. (unless I get lucky and my mom has the day off and can spare a 15 minute phone call)....and the last time I was able to make a hot meal? who the heck knows. Also, do people know how often I DONT see my husband, and how most of the time I feel like a single mom?

When I go grocery shopping I try my hardest to actually look good. I do my hair and makeup to the best of my abilities and with the time constraint that I have between infant and toddler tantrums and I honestly only remember deodorant half the time (so if you run into me in public be warned). But, amongst all this I do get compliments from people I know when I run into them telling me "oh you look so good. I cant believe you just had a baby. or you look pretty today." But, what people can't see is that its been 2 days since ive been able to shower (so that's why ill be leaving here today with five containers of dry shampoo). They also didn't notice that ive been trying to take mini naps on the couch trying to gain back some sort of sanity, and that I get up in the middle of the night TWICE to pump and often a lot of times I don't go to bed until 2am because its easier to stay up and be guaranteed to be awake for my 2am pumping session than to risk sleeping through my alarm and possibly risking my milk supply or waking the baby up.

Anyone want to take a guess on how much time I get to myself or the amount of time I get to do something I want to do? anyone? that's because the answer is none and never. I went out last week to get my hair trimmed and I was so excited to get some time to myself where my husband took the kids and I could get out for a bit. I got there, they immediately got me in and was in the chair for literally no longer than 5 minutes. I guess that's my fault for only needing a trim and not being too picky but, SERIOUSLY?!? I thought id be gone for atleast an hour. So, with nothing to do and being in a town that Is super bland and boring, I had no choice but to go home. It just seems like everyone gets their own time to themselves. I realize the baby doesn't know the difference and right now she knows nothing about boundaries, personal space, and she doesn't exactly have hobbies at three months old so she doesn't exactly count but everyone else does. My husband comes home and gets on his Xbox and plays his games (which he loves) and my daughter has her toys and books (which she loves, she has at least 50 different ones...some even custom made) but me? I have nothing and no one.

Its honestly just really sad and I know I'm not the only mom or person to feel this way, it just stinks when you start to envy your husband and even your three year old for just getting time to "escape." Now, trust me I know working isn't all lollipops and rainbows, I've been there and hated it. But, my husband...he gets to leave the house, take a bath in peace and have literally 95% of his meals cooked for him. He gets to go out to work; where he'll eat breakfast in peace, maybe grab a coffee and actually be able to drink it before it gets cold, a lunch break to talk about whatever or just surf the internet for lord knows what and he even gets a commute to work where he'll listen to music or maybe even just sit in silence with no interruptions. He gets to choose whether he gets to interact with people. He has people to moan, groan, complain to and people to be happy and share stories with. Me? I don't get any of that. I have a total of one mom friend who I only occasionally talk to and if I do its through text. (which is good, but nothing compares to actual face to face communication). My husband also works 10 hours a day and me? I work nonstop....day...night. While he gets to finish work and enjoy his time, I simply have to keep going and often repeat the same day over and over again.

Being a mom is not only hard, its often times awful! The loneliness, the boredom, the repetitive days, weeks, and months that just kind of mesh into one giant ball of chaos and even though I chose this life, I often don't get a life at all.

To everyone else I may look like we (as moms) have our crap together, we look good, we're doing an amazing job, but honestly...it probably isn't as it seems and we're probably in desperate need of a friend or just someone to talk to.