I've got four months to prepare.....

So, today was the beginning of the end...

I know, I know, that’s probably the most dramatic thing you’ve heard in a long time, but it’s how I currently feel. We did Kindergarten Roundup for my oldest and I have FOUR MONTHS until she’s in Kindergarten, so forgive me if I’m freaking out. I know for all of you more “seasoned” moms out there, maybe you felt this way when your first baby went to school for the first time, maybe you still feel this way when your second, third born, etc start Kindergarten, I don’t know. I’m just here to tell everyone that the realization of it kind of sucks…bad.

It was good day don’t get me wrong, I was super proud of her today. We signed her up, she got her picture taken (I’m still not sure why now that I’m thinking about it), they gave her a little name tag, and they whisked her off to a classroom full of other potential kindergarteners while my husband and I sat in a parent meeting and went over all the “how to’s” and “don’t ever’s.” I hated the idea of not knowing what’s going on in there but I guess now’s a better time than not to relinquish the power over to complete strangers since I’ll be doing it in August anyway. I sat there in a panic not only because I gave my first born baby to strangers (I’ll get over that at some point) but because I was told by NUMEROUS people that she had to know about 30 things on a list before she’d be allowed to come to school. (Seriously there’s even a list online of “Kindergarten Requirements”…look up your state.) Examples include; counting to 50, being able to tie shoes, read and write the whole Alphabet, writing numbers up to 20, the list goes on and on. Needless to say I’ve been working with her for months on these things when I realized there’s a “list.” I had no Idea that they potentially needed to know these things because I don’t know about you; but I learned all those things IN Kindergarten, and last time I checked I wasn’t a teacher so...I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. Well, when I went in to get her they said nothing about her “failing” anything but there was a letter “Y” written on her nametag and a red dot. So, I’m assuming they asked some sort of questions and she passed them? I’m not sure but no one said anything to me and I left with a child registered for Kindergarten so I guess that means she’ll be attending in August.

Like I said, it was a great day…it really was. But I’m having some major issues letting go. When we went in today there was a sign that read “Class of 2032” and a literally died inside. I have purposely avoided seeing and recognizing the year she graduates because I knew it would be too soon, and it is. Seeing it today literally brought me to tears. I feel like once she starts school, this chapter of my life and her life is going to be over. I know she’ll come home, have friends, get to have play dates, etc and I know she’s going to LOVE her life, but I’m not ready. I feel like this literally is the beginning of the end on how strong our relationship is and she’ll literally stop being my “baby” when she starts school. See, when she was born, I stayed home with her for 12 weeks and it was absolutely beautiful. Then I went back to work for a little over a month and they closed the place down for renovations, I went back when they opened again in June where I quit literally 2 weeks later because they were horrendous people. I found a job 2 months later and then I worked for a little over a year where I then found a job at her daycare…with her. She has literally been by my side all day every day for 3.5 years of her life, apart from date nights, a 5 day stint in Vegas where my mom watched her, etc…every single day I’ve had her with me. Most mommas I feel anymore don’t get to be as lucky as I was, I’ve watched her grow, I’m the one who taught her, changed her, and taken care of her when she’s sick. I’m super attached, I get it..but this is my first born, my mini…and I have to just let her go to random people in a few months. I know I’m an overly emotional kind of mom but I’m literally having a super hard time with it. She’s FIVE, when in the world did my 6lb 14oz baby turn into a 40lb kindergartener?!? When did this happen and who do I write a letter to? Because I’m not very accepting of this. I know life is full of new adventures and new milestones, and trust me, I’ll welcome those with open arms but for right now I’m just going to go cuddle her while I she sleeps because I’m not ready to let my baby go just yet.

#kindergarten #firstborn #daughter #school